Theory of mind: what is it and how can you help your child? 

Back in 2008, a mum called Sarah, told me of an incident involving her then eight-year-old son, Albi. Wendy had fainted in the bathroom of their small flat. As she was coming round, she called out for her son. He said, “Yes, I saw you.” Sarah reported that Albi carried on playing without concern. Sarah was visibly upset when she recalled her son’s behaviour.  

Why had Sarah’s child not been concerned about her? What was the reason Albi appeared aloof? This was not due to a lack of empathy (as the mother had assumed) but an inability to understand the behaviours of others. Albi needed something called ‘theory of mind’.

What is the theory of mind? 

A theory of mind is crucial for success in everyday social interactions, understanding others and their possible mental states (happy, sad, confused, etc.). Having theory of mind shows you acknowledge that others have different beliefs, desires, intentions and emotions from your own.   

The Sally-Anne story 

Children can be tested on their theory of mind with a classic test called the Sally-Anne story, children watch the story acted out (by a therapist) using two dolls named Sally and Anne,  

“Sally places her marble in a basket, covers the basket and leaves the room. After Sally has departed, Ann moves the marble from the basket and places it in the box.” 

The child is then asked where Sally will look for the marble when she comes back?  To ‘pass’ this task, the child being tested will say that Sally will look in the basket. After all, Sally would not know Anne moved the marble and would assume it was where she had left it: in the basket. The child being tested needs to show that she as understood from Sally’s perspective and taken Sally’s most probable thoughts into consideration.  

Here are how theory of mind develops in a young child.    

Stages of theory of mind 

1. Perspective-taking: a child recognises that although they know a toy is hidden in a box, another person who was absent during the hiding will not be aware of its location. 

1. Understanding false beliefs: if a friend sees you place a sweet in your pocket but you secretly move it to your bag when they're not looking, a child with theory of mind realises the friend will mistakenly believe the sweet is still in your pocket. 

1. Empathy: if a friend is crying because they dropped their ice cream, a child with theory of mind will comprehend that the friend is upset, even if the child still has their own ice cream. 

1. Deception: if a child decides to mislead their friend by pointing in the wrong direction when asked about the location of a hidden object, a child with theory of mind will understand that the friend does not know the true location.  

1. Understanding others' ignorance: a child understands that they learned something new at school and also realises that their parent doesn't know this information yet because they weren't at school. 

1. Predicting behaviour: a child expects a friend to look for a missing toy in the last place they left it, demonstrating an understanding of the friend's beliefs and intentions. 

Relating to people and understanding themselves 

Before children can develop theory of mind, they must first develop their self-awareness. This enables them to be socially aware. Being able to relate to others and see from another person’s perspective provides a starting point from which to think like that other person. Families can use illustrated storybooks to help their child see things from another’s perspective by asking the child how the characters are feeling based on the illustrations. The child might relate that to how they feel, too. The more language that is used, the greater the chance of the child learning the vocabulary of emotions and conveying feelings. Below is a breakdown of the areas that can be discussed.  

Further reading for parents.  

1. Theory of Mind – how children understand others thoughts and feelings by Martin J Doherty 

2. Talkabout Theory of Mind: Teaching Theory of mind to improve social skills and ….by Katherine Wareham and Alex Kelly 

3. Teaching Theory of Mind by Kristina Ordetx  

If you are parent interested in helping your child with theory of mind, try our online package called ‘Foundation Social skills.’  Bite size weekly intervention.

Dyslexia? Dyspraxia? ADHD? ASD? Speech & Language? Developmental Delay? Anxiety?

Is every school day a struggle? As a parent, you may feel exhausted and on this journey alone. Each year you see the gap getting wider. You need to do something - change the approach, help your child learn for themselves, find a way to turn this around - to help while you can - do this NOW. the first step is free.