The boy who was raised as a dog
The boy who was raised as a dog
An eye-catching title, isn’t it? A book by Dr. Bruce Perry about how children exposed to extreme trauma might go on to transform into healthy adults.
Since I first picked up The boy who was raised as a dog, I must have read and re-read it at least three times, and each time I find something new. I will not lie - it makes for grim reading at times. However, it's a message of great interest to therapists such as myself and to all parents, grandparents, and anyone hoping to be a parent.
Dr. Bruce Perry, a neuroscientist, writes: “Infants who do not receive nourishing care to stimulate the feeling of implicit safety experience a sense of trauma. The younger the child or infant, the more embedded this trauma is.” The case studies of deliberate and accidental trauma vary, and the age of the children differ too. Mostly, the stories offer a sense of hope to the victims and those helping children with such conditions. Fortunately, I very rarely encounter any children who have experienced the kind of extreme trauma that Dr. Perry describes, but a great deal of developmental problems can be traced back to a trauma of some kind within a child’s life.
It takes a village to raise a child
On one of my re-reads of this book, I was on holiday in a small Indian village. As I was reading, I was also watching the children of the village play in their extended family setting environments. Having so many caregivers gave the children a confidence and sense of connection that was truly inspiring.
“The more people they have in their lives, the more they come to understand different personalities and emotions, which allows them to develop a deeper sense of empathy. ”
This was in stark contrast to the story I was reading about a teenager, 'Leon.' Leon had been left alone as a baby by his mother for hours at a time. Leon's family lived away from their extended family who had offered much-needed support when the first child arrived, Leon's older brother.
The mother had special needs herself and did not know how to care for an infant entirely on her own. When Leon learned his cries were never going to be met, he stopped crying. The mother misinterpreted this and thought that, by abandoning him throughout the day, she was actually somehow helping him to self-soothe. Nothing could be further from the truth, of course! As a result, Leon grew up knowing only how to rely on himself and developed no empathy for others.
Empathy is developed by infants observing and reflecting the emotions of their parents but Leon was never given this opportunity. As a result, he became someone who took what he wanted and behaved as he liked. He didn’t care for anybody else, and of course, that meant nobody cared for him either. Sadly, this story is not one that had a happy ending, but it is one that teaches us an important lesson. Fortunately, laws have changed since then and children can no longer be left alone like this. However, neglect can still occur even when a parent is around, but does not engage with their child in the manner needed to develop the nurturing bonds.
Interactions with parents are essential, of course, but having a number of people for a child to engage with is also hugely beneficial. The more people they have in their lives, the more they come to understand different personalities and emotions, which allows them to develop a deeper sense of empathy. This gives them the ability to form meaningful emotional bonds with others throughout their lives. Village life in India is so attractive for children: open doors so they can wander in and out of neighbouring houses and ample open space to run around and play in. Extended families live together handing the baby from one aunty to another as they go about doing their daily chores, all taking it in turns to play and allow independent play to happen.
Common to many homes, rural or otherwise, is a hanging bench - a kind of large, swinging seat - somewhere in the house. Family members are always using it for everything from morning prayers to receiving guests. Most importantly, children are rocked on it as babies, which gives children a predictable, repetitive patterning of movement that Dr. Perry outlines in his book. He talks about the lessons taught to him by a foster mother named ‘Mama P.’, who knew that children who had been neglected needed touch, and greatly benefited from being gently rocked. This may seem like a simple thing, but she showed that it helps regulate a child and allows internal systems to find a sense of purpose in place of defensive behaviour and random activity. For babies, there is a sense of safety in soothing repetition.
“Without feeling that their needs are met, and without a solid pattern of caregiving, their brains are starved of the reassurance that allows them to feel safe.”
The interaction of children with many different age groups all living close by, as I saw in the rural village, nurtures communication skills at a young age. I witnessed some children as young as one-year-old using full sentences and engaging in conversations. This is something I noticed on holiday in similar settings in Thailand and Kenya, too. Being exposed to so much language from so many other people in an extended family setting is a fantastic vehicle for rapid uptake and usage.
The message that we need to take home from all of this is that we need to be not only present with our children, but also make sure they feel they are implicitly understood. Without feeling that their needs are met, and without a solid pattern of caregiving, their brains are starved of the reassurance that allows them to feel safe. In turn, this prevents spontaneous learning, learning from experience, and natural interaction with others. If they do not feel safe in themselves, they will not trust others around them.
Here is the link for the book. Please do read it and recommend it to other parents, grandparents, aunties, and uncles!
Here at Raviv Practice London, we work with a whole range of children who have experienced all kinds of developmental trauma. If you are a foster parent who is in need of guidance for a child in your care, please do contact us for a chat.
Dyslexia? Dyspraxia? ADHD? ASD? Speech & Language? Developmental Delay? Anxiety?
Is every school day a struggle? As a parent, you may feel exhausted and on this journey alone. Each year you see the gap getting wider. You need to do something - change the approach, help your child learn for themselves, find a way to turn this around before it is too late and they won’t listen - do this NOW. the first step is free.
About the Author
Usha Patel is a Neurocognitive Therapist and Director at Raviv Practice London. Parents searching to help their suspected/neurodiverse child can get evidence-based solutions with results in as little as 8 weeks. Those in search of jargon-free help can get started straight away.
